The Top 11 Celebrity Secret Santa Gifts

11. J.J. Abrams — money silos to store all the coin Disney will throw at him to direct a future “Star Wars” movie

10. Tom Brady — a pressure cooker

9. Tom Brady — Federal Reserve action to prevent deflation

8. Bernie Sanders — combo campaign/get off my lawn signs

7. North West — witnessing a horrible crime so Witness Protection can change her name and reassign her to a nice, suburban, middle-class family from the Kansas City area

6. Jim Gilmore — a mirror, so someone would see him

5. Renée Zellweger — her old face back

4. Ben Carson — a good campaign surgeon

3. Gwyneth Paltrow — a steam cleaner

2. Reince Priebus — balls

1. Miss Piggy — a dry rub

Heckle this joke

Got a better punchline or a worse take? Drop a one-liner.

Nobody has heckled this yet. Suspicious restraint.

Optional. Bad aliases encouraged.

0/280 · Moderated before publishing.

Its name is deceiving

Do not buy a Dyson Ball Vacuum.
Its name is deceiving. Don’t ask how I know.

Posted: April 10, 2026 (6 months ago)
Views: 0
Shares: 0
Topics: current events, politics, pop culture
Sensitivity: PG-13