Harry was deployed in the military when his pregnant wife Suzie was expecting to give birth.
Harry was worried about the logistics of it all and how Suzie would handle the birth as they were pretty far from their family and didn’t have anyone they could reliably ask for help.
Harry decided to ask his family if they could send someone to help Suzie.
“Your brother Terrence will be available, let’s ask him,” Harry’s mom suggested on the phone.
“Mom, Terrence couldn’t tell his left foot from his right one, he once punched a mirror because he thought his own reflection was someone else. I don’t want that idiot near my kids,” Harry replied.
“Nonsense, that was years ago, he’s doing much better now. He’s great with instructions and will do all that the doctors say,” his mom replied, and so Harry reluctantly agreed.
On the fateful day, Suzie called Harry and told him she felt her water breaking and was rushing to the hospital. Harry called up his brother Terrence and asked him to accompany Suzie and do what the doctors said.
Over the next few days Harry only got brief updates from Terrence with messages like “under control” and “don’t worry.”
6 days later Harry finally got Terrence on the phone and asked him for the good news.
“There’s good news and bad news,” Terrence said.
“What’s the bad news?” Harry asked.
“Suzie is still at the hospital and the doctors say she’ll need a few days to come around,” replied Terrence.
“And the good news?” Harry asked tentatively.
“You got twins, they’re both healthy, but there’s better news.”
Harry let out a large sigh of relief. “Ok, what’s the better news?”
“They’re a boy and a girl. Mom came over today and we got the kids home. But there’s even better news,” Terrence replied.
Harry was relieved but puzzled. “What’s the better news now?”
“I got to name them,” Terrence said happily.
Harry groaned loudly and angrily asked, “Did you name my son Denephew?”
“No no, I named him Harrison,” Terrence replied.
“Ok that’s not so bad,” Harry replied, but then immediately yelped, “WAIT, did you name my daughter Harridaughter?”
“Of course not,” replied Terrence confidently. “I named her Ford.”
Add to the Chaos. Got a better punchline, worse take, or public cry for help? Drop a one-liner. Approved replies show up here after moderation.
Get 5 Unhinged Jokes Every Friday
No spam. Just dark humor and bad decisions in email form.
