17. Winning! Winners win. And I’m a winner who wins, believe me. #ohfucknowwhatdoido
16. My huuuge hands typing this from the Oval Office! #HowYouLikeMeNowHillary
15. Nobody told me the White House was such a dump. Not a single gold toilet. Sad. #3rdWorld
14. Why do they call it the White House when the kitchen is full of Hispanics? #TrumpHouse
13. @SCOTUS You’re Fired! #TreatGovernmentLikeBusiness
12. #100days: abolish Obamacare, export all illegal immigrants, mount Paul Ryan’s balls in the Oval Office #sweetrevenge
11. @PutinRF_Eng Lincoln bedroom stocked with #Stoli; waiting for your arrival #USARUS
10. White House? Not on my watch. 2,600 gallons of gold gilt paint on the way! #Glitterpalooza #BlingHouse
9. Note to self: thank Kellyanne Conway, notify her she won’t be paid.
8. Just sold Washington Monument to China #suckers #shippingisextra
7. Got the nuclear codes, so excited: 398236. #watchoutisis #makeamericaglowagain
6. Melania looks stunning lying naked on the Oval Office’s new polar bear-skin rug, trust me. #MakingAmericaBoneAgain #Bigly
5. WTF? Canada’s Prime Minister keeps calling, saying USA needs to pay for his wall.
4. WH needs new housekeepers. @AliciaMachado, job is yours if you can drop 20 lbs!
3. Just sent my homey @Comey a thank you gift: orange jumpsuit for @Hillary. #orangeisthenewpantsuit
2. That Lincoln bedroom is SO uncomfortable. No wonder he shot himself. #HoleInTheHead #LumpyMattress
1. First official act: Lady Liberty loses the burka, shows some leg, gets bigger tits #StatueOfLame #6atBest
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