Signs You Have a Drinking Problem

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

Job interfering with your drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive fifth food group.

Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence?? I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth … now THAT’S a drinking problem!

You can focus better with one eye closed.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

Every person you see has an exact twin.

You fall off the floor.

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

Hey, five beers has just as many calories as a burger — to heck with dinner!

The glass keeps missing your mouth.

Bill Clinton starts to make sense….

Mosquitoes catch a buzz* after biting you. (*No pun intended.)

At an AA meeting you begin: “Hi, my name is … uh …”

Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in.

“Hi ocifer. I’m not under the affluence of incohol.”

Roseanne looks good.

Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.

You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.

You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.

“BeerTender! Get me another Bar!”

The shrubbery’s drunk too — from frequent watering.