Fred’s Annual Physical

Fred is eighty years old and has just had his annual physical. His doctor is, as always, very impressed at Fred’s level of fitness. Fred explains:

Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash Chaos

“Ever since I was young, my faith in God has helped me with the discipline needed to keep at it. As I age, the Lord keeps guiding me in many ways. For instance, when I get up to pee at night, the Lord turns the bathroom light on, and when I’m done, the Lord turns the bathroom light off.”

After Fred leaves, the doctor is a little concerned about what may be a hallucination, so he calls Fred’s wife.

“Fred is in great shape as always, but he said one thing that concerned me. He said when he gets up to pee at night, the Lord turns the bathroom light on, and when he’s done, the Lord turns the bathroom light off. Do you know what that means?”

“Yes, it means he’s pissing in the fridge again!”

Heckle this joke

Got a better punchline or a worse take? Drop a one-liner.

Nobody has heckled this yet. Suspicious restraint.

Optional. Bad aliases encouraged.

0/280 · Moderated before publishing.

The best part about my birthday being on a weekday is having my co-workers seek me out

The best part about my birthday being on a weekday is having my co-workers seek me out and congratulate me. Or maybe word just got around about the monstrous, pretzel-shaped steamer I was able to drop across the boss’ keyboard.

Posted: September 14, 2026 (1 week ago)
Views: 0
Shares: 0
Topics: aging, celebration, health
Sensitivity: Uncensored