Taoism — Shit happens.
Buddhism — If shit happens, it’s not really shit.
Islam — If shit happens, it’s the will of Allah.
Protestantism — Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.
Judaism — Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism — This shit happened before.
Catholicism — Shit happens because you’re bad.
Hare Krishna — Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism — Send more shit.
Atheism — No shit.
Jehovah’s Witness — Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism — There’s nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science — Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism — Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t.
Rastafarianism — Let’s smoke this shit.
Existentialism — What is shit anyway?
Stoicism — This shit doesn’t bother me.
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