Ted Meets the Missus

Ted asks his colleague, “So Larry, when are you gonna have me over to meet the missus?”

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“Well,” says Larry, “she’s very shy, and doesn’t love socializing.”

“Ah come on Larry, it’ll be a quiet evening with just us three.”

“Hmm, OK let me talk to her.”

A few days later, Larry says, “OK I talked her into it, but you have to remember how hard this is for her. Promise me you won’t say anything that might upset her.”

Ted says sure, of course, so they agree on dinner Friday at seven.

Friday rolls around, and Larry meets Ted at his front door.

“Welcome, Ted! Come on in, and just remember: we’re making a real effort here, so let’s have a nice quiet calm evening.”

Ted agrees and walks through to the living room, where he stops dead in his tracks and shouts, “OH MY GOD LARRY YOUR WIFE IS A FUCKING TURTLE”

Larry says, “Ted, look what you’ve done! Do you have any idea what it took to get her out of her shell?”

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I fucked that guy down at the car wash twice today. I wanted to

I fucked that guy down at the car wash twice today. I wanted to be there for the second cumming of Jesus.

Posted: September 8, 2026 (2 weeks ago)
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Topics: animals, marriage, marriage humor, work
Sensitivity: Uncensored