The Top 16 Election Day Cocktails
16. Mudslinger
15. Non-Consensual Sex on the Beach
14. Pina Clintada: coconut, pineapple, and $250K for access to the bartender
13. Orange Whine Cooler
12. The Jill Beer Stein: a “germ”-in beer stein filled with penicillin
11. Slow Uncomfortable Grope Against the Wall
10. Mai-Tais to Wall Street
9. The Greatest: just toilet water, but believe me, everyone is saying it will be beautiful, the best cocktail you ever tasted
8. BenghaZima
7. The Gary Johnson: you’ll forget your troubles, foreign leaders, war zones…
6. Margarita (that Mexico will pay for!)
5. The Campaign Promise: an empty glass
4. White Russian Who Got a Meeting With the Secretary of State Because He Contributed to Her Foundation
3. Bloody Megyn
2. Screwedover: orange juice with lots of bitters
And the Number One Election Day Cocktail…
1. Pervy Wallbuilder
Add to the Chaos. Got a better punchline, worse take, or public cry for help? Drop a one-liner. Approved replies show up here after moderation.
Get 5 Unhinged Jokes Every Friday
No spam. Just dark humor and bad decisions in email form.
