16. The pants you just wet are not your own.
15. Her lips may be saying, “Baaaaa,” but her eyes are screaming, “YES!”
14. “I love the TopFive Lissst. NO, NO, I LOVE THE TOPFIVE LIST! I DO, I REALLLY REAALLLY DO.”
13. Well, five boilermakers ago you would have qualified as an English soccer fan.
12. You just woke up next to a teddy bear you don’t recognize, with its paws in an inappropriate location.
11. You wake up and realize you slept with a dog. A REAL dog.
10. The ATF suggests that you take up smoking instead.
9. You have vomit on your jacket. It’s not yours, but there it is, nevertheless.
8. Your bed spins at 33 rpm.
7. Your liver is trying to dial 9-1-1.
6. You wake up naked in a strange car, clutching a keg tap and sporting fresh ink on your nether regions. Not that I’d know.
5. John Kerry’s starting to sound like he’s taking a position on something.
4. In a sudden moment of clarity, Bush’s foreign policy strikes you as shrewd and effective.
3. You see pink elephants… and get them to give you a ride home.
2. You squish when you blink.
1. You are seriously considering voting for Ralph Nader.
The Top 5 List — www.topfive.com
Copyright 2004 by Chris White
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