Top 15 Signs Your Partner Learned About Sex by Watching TV

The Top 15 Signs Your Partner Learned About Sex by Watching TV

15. Lovemaking lasts exactly 30 minutes and includes eight minutes of telling you what’s on her Christmas list.

14. Every every time you remove your pants, you hear that damned laugh-track.

13. He tries to kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning.

12. The promised “wacky hijinks” when you get back to her place are, in fact, just wacky hijinks.

11. Tries to get you in the mood by whispering, “Tonight, on a very special ‘Pecker’….”

10. Always gives a wide-eyed “Well, gollllyyy!” when you take off your bra and a “SHAZAM!” for the panties.

9. Every time you take a break, he sleeps with the Dell intern.

8. He won’t finish until you say “It’s a good thing” while arranging a doily on his chest.

7. To liven things up a bit, he brings in his cousin Oliver for a threesome.

6. Shouts “D’OH!!” every time he ejaculates prematurely.

5. She always wants you to guess which room she’s naked in, but if you pick the wrong door, you’re stuck with a farm animal.

4. The mirror on the ceiling has a network logo in the bottom right corner.

3. He narrates his every move with a fake Australian accent: “Crikey! Now, this position is *really* dangerous….”

2. “It’s not an affair, honey, it’s a spin-off.”

1. Makes you wait until next week to see the exciting climax.

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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]