The Top 12 Things We’re Most Thankful for This Year
12. Urinal water resistant phone cases.
11. Being picked for the “Survivor” series filming over the remainder of the Presidential Primary season.
10. Toilet paper without pieces of bark in it.
9. Black Friday retailers who arm their staff with Tasers.
8. My wife for giving me a new AR-15 after my old one was taken from me in an armed robbery.
7. That there are six degrees of separation between me and Charlie Sheen.
6. I would show you how thankful I am for the Oxford Dictionary’s word of the year, but emojis don’t work here.
5. Terrorism and refugee crises put in perspective by students protesting certain Halloween costumes.
4. “Relaxed fit” Jeggings!
3. With the presidential election still a year away, 12 more months of Trump jokes!
2. Lube and needle-nose pliers. Please don’t ask why.
And the Number One Thing We’re Most Thankful for This Year…
1. The love, patience and understanding of my fam… [snort!] … [chuckle] … sorry. Couldn’t say it with a straight face. CRONUTS, baby! Cronuts are friggin’ AWESOME!
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