Checking In at the Reception Desk in Hell

“Welcome!” says the Devil. “You’re in for an amazing time! First up, did you like a drink when you were on Earth?”

“I certainly did!” says the man.

“Great!” says the Devil. “We kick off the week on Monday with a gigantic piss-up. Beer, whisky, rum, brandy, gin, tequila, you name it, we’ve got it! You can’t get a hangover, and you certainly can’t kill your liver. You’re already dead!”

“Fantastic!” says the man. “What about Tuesday?”

“Tuesday? Just wait until you get to Tuesday! Do you like women?”

“I sure do,” says the man.

“Then Tuesday’s going to be great too! You’ll be at it all day long with the most amazing women you ever saw. They’re into all kinds of everything you can imagine, no matter how kinky. And you can’t catch any STIs either, not even herpes never mind syphilis! You’re already dead!”

“Then it’s Wednesday,” continues the Devil. “Ever do drugs on Earth? No? Want to give it a go? We’ve got all kinds of substances down here, and you can do them all. You’ll never OD or rot your brain. How could you? You’re already dead!”

“Great!” says the man. “And Thursdays?”

“Thursdays,” says the Devil, “is when we roll out the tobacco. Bit of a chill day after all the partying. Cigars, cigarettes, cheroots, you name it. Every kind of leaf that the Earth ever had, and you can stick it in your pipe and smoke it. And you can’t get lung cancer or even a nasty cough! You’re already dead!”

“Now, Fridays,” says the Devil. “Were you into that gay stuff on Earth? A bit of back-door action just to change it up? Maybe gobble on a big thick rod or two?”

“Oh no,” says the man, “I never liked the sound of that at all.”

The Devil sighs. “Oh well. I guess Fridays aren’t going to be much fun for you, then.”