My Cousin Walter’s Pet Problem

A few months ago, my cousin Walter showed up at the emergency room with a cat lodged in his ass.

The family decided to write it off as a freak accident and agreed never to mention it again.

But a few days later, he was back in the hospital! Different cat. Same ass.

So yesterday, when I saw Walter at the pet store in the mall trying to buy another cat, I stopped him and said:

“Walter, every cat you buy ends up stuck in your ass. At this point, you have to admit the cats aren’t the problem.”

Walter sighed and replied:

“Okay, genius. How the hell do you suggest I get the gerbil out?”

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If I Were God

If I were god, I’d wait till the seventh day and try to do it all that evening, but then I’d probably get sidetracked when I invented Comedy Central and I’d have to ask for an extension on the eighth day. And if I didn’t get it, who cares? I’m god!

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Posted: July 27, 2026 (2 weeks ago)
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