“If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, it makes the beer shoot out of your nose.” — Jack Handy
It’s better to have a beer in hand than gas in the tank.
Beer — it’s just not for breakfast anymore.
Beer — Nature’s laxative.
“One more and I’ll be under the host.” — Dorothy Parker
“Without question the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but a wheel does not go as well with pizza.” — Dave Barry
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” — Humphrey Bogart
“Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.” — David Moulton
“A drink a day keeps the shrink away.” — Edward Abbey
“People who drink ‘light’ beer don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.” — Capital Brewery, WI
“Put it back in the horse!” — H. Allen Smith, after his first American beer
“On the seventh day He brewed beer.” — Bill Bradshaw
Reality is the illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
“I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”
“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t have the decency to thank her.” — W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.
The problem with jails is they have the wrong type of bars in there.
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