The Top 11 Celebrity Secret Santa Gifts

11. J.J. Abrams — money silos to store all the coin Disney will throw at him to direct a future “Star Wars” movie

10. Tom Brady — a pressure cooker

9. Tom Brady — Federal Reserve action to prevent deflation

8. Bernie Sanders — combo campaign/get off my lawn signs

7. North West — witnessing a horrible crime so Witness Protection can change her name and reassign her to a nice, suburban, middle-class family from the Kansas City area

6. Jim Gilmore — a mirror, so someone would see him

5. Renée Zellweger — her old face back

4. Ben Carson — a good campaign surgeon

3. Gwyneth Paltrow — a steam cleaner

2. Reince Priebus — balls

1. Miss Piggy — a dry rub

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So if you DON’T take any Viagra, then have 4-hour erection

So if you DON’T take any Viagra, then have 4-hour erection during a 4-hour threesome with two smoking hot women, are you still supposed to call a doctor? *I* did, but pretty much just to brag.

Posted: April 10, 2026 (6 months ago)
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Topics: current events, politics, pop culture
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