The Top 13 Surprises in Victoria’s Secret’s New Spring Line
13. New “Victor’s Secret” line
12. New catalogue has 25% more pictures of sexy lingerie-clad supermodels, the likes of whom you will never, ever date.
11. Company’s efforts to create a more wholesome image results in addition of new Girl Scout lingerie line.
10. Spring Special: Purchase any item from the “Rodman Collection” and get a free tattoo!
9. Almost 10% of the clothing is now made by well-paid adults.
8. All bras are now seductively beer-scented.
7. Every wear you look — corduroy!
6. The “Joey, What Are You Doing In There So Long With My Victoria’s Secret Catalogue?” junior bra and panty set.
5. New “Wedge-o-matic” discreetly un-binds underwear from uncomfortable cracks.
4. Damn near everything in the new “Monica” line is Scotch-Guarded.
3. All Miracle Bras now confirmed and blessed by the Vatican.
2. New Teletubbies bras — because it’s never too early to screw up a young girl’s self image.
1. All kinds of interesting lifting and separating going on with that new Cross-Your-Ass Thong.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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