The Top 13 Signs You’re Taking Your Breakup Too Hard
13. The tears flow in the produce section as the sight of two perfect cantaloupes bring memories of her flooding back.
12. You keep calling his old number in the Oval Office, even though you know that new dumb guy always picks up.
11. You don’t know what you’d do if you didn’t have your dotcom stocks to console y– uh-oh.
10. You keep mailing her threatening letters because her restraining orders smell like her.
9. Even your therapist suggests that you “take the manly route of suicide.”
8. You start writing country songs… and the country is Bosnia.
7. You ask your pastor if it’s improper to have a funeral for your penis.
6. You’re too depressed to get out of bed and stalk her.
5. Keeping a stained dress: Tacky
Using it to clone an army of SuperPresidents: Creepy
4. You haven’t returned any of Rupert Murdoch’s calls about appearing on “Who Wants to Catch a Multimillionaire on the Rebound?”
3. Inspired by a combination of true love and a court order, you’re always just over 50 yards away.
2. “All your albums are belong to me!”
1. You cry every time you take a leak, because *she* used to take a leak.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
Add to the Chaos. Got a better punchline, worse take, or public cry for help? Drop a one-liner. Approved replies show up here after moderation.
Get 5 Unhinged Jokes Every Friday
No spam. Just dark humor and bad decisions in email form.
