Top 14 Recent Headlines You May Have Missed

The Top 14 Recent Headlines You May Have Missed

14) Alec Baldwin is out for six weeks after spraining his brain doing a Trump impression.

13) Experts say some of the people can be fooled all of the time.

12) Army Corps declares tribal casino the best site for a pipeline crossing.

11) Newly sentient computer commits suicide after seeing the newspaper.

10) Reduced viewership leads the NFL to introduce Assless Chaps Thursday Night Football and Catch-a-Pass/Do-a-Shot Tuesday Night Football.

9) Vera Wang changes her first name to “Huge.”

8) New Starbucks “Baby Jesus Christmas Cup” infuriates pro-Santa groups.

7) Kanye West is being treated in a psychiatric hospital for behaving like Kanye West.

6) Dolly Parton’s sales sag, but not as much as her other assets.

5) The War on Christmas is now longer than WWII, yet the U.S. is no closer to victory.

4) Well-dressed homeless guy shouting on a corner is actually Mel Gibson.

3) Canada closes its borders to stave off an influx of Hollywood refugees.

2) Pregame anthem protests intensify during National Accordion Week.

And the #1 recent headline you may have missed…

1) Keith Richards continues to defy 2016: “C’mon, ya pussy, do yer worst!”