The Top 15 Signs It’s Too F*#king Cold (Part 2)
15) Suddenly every woman’s T-shirt looks like Jennifer Aniston’s.
14) Lines wrap around the block for help-wanted signs at crematoriums.
13) Bipartisan agreement emerges to relocate Trump’s inauguration to Mar-a-Lago.
12) The annual Polar Bear Club outing gets moved to the YMCA indoor pool.
11) You can see your breath and can’t wear flip-flops (Southern California only).
10) Every fire hydrant has two or three dogs stuck to it.
9) Dick Cheney’s cold, dead heart raises Wyoming’s temperature by five degrees.
8) The Kardashian clan has buttoned their blouses all the way up.
7) Climate-change deniers start scheduling their annual “Global warming, my ass!” press conferences.
6) Hillary Clinton breaks out her ice tiara.
5) You gather the family around a witch’s tit for warmth.
4) The state of Florida asks President Trump to build a wall on its northern border.
3) Ann Coulter’s heart just asked for a sweater.
2) The Devil just ordered red thermal “Make Hell Great Again” long johns.
And the #1 sign it’s too F*#king cold…
1) Junior just chipped his milk teeth on your wife’s nipples.
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