You Were Starting to Sound Like My Ex-Wife

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally spoke, “Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection, golf clubs, and that stupid vintage Harley.”

Tom got a horrified look on his face.

She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

He replied, “There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”

“Ex-wife!” she screamed, “YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”

Tom replied, “I wasn’t.”

Heckle this joke

Got a better punchline or a worse take? Drop a one-liner.

Nobody has heckled this yet. Suspicious restraint.

Optional. Bad aliases encouraged.

0/280 · Moderated before publishing.

I was relieved when my co-worker told me my fly was open so I

I was relieved when my co-worker told me my fly was open so I could quickly zip up. I only wish she had warned me about my protruding, twitching member beforehand, too.

Posted: May 18, 2026 (4 months ago)
Views: 0
Shares: 0
Topics: marital humor, marriage, relationships
Sensitivity: PG-13