After attending ethics training, Bob went up to his boss.
“Boss,” he said, “that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals.”
The boss replied, “But Bob, this is an accepted practice, and many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.”
Bob responded, “Yeah, but we make hammers!”
Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.
In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” said the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the….”
“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?!”
Farmer Joe said, “Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….”
The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie.”
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.
“I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
“Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
“Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?””
A young farmer is having trouble with one of his horses, which is suffering from diarrhea. He doesn’t know what to do, so he seeks advice from the old farmer down the road.
“Farmer John, surely you’ve seen this problem before. What should I do with a horse with diarrhea?” he asks.
Farmer John smiles and says, “Well, a few years back one of my horses had that problem, and I gave him a drink of turpentine.”
Relieved to have an answer, the young farmer runs home and administers the same treatment to his horse.
Sadly, the next morning his horse is dead. He runs back over to Farmer John’s place.
“John, I gave my horse turpentine, but he died!” the young farmer says.
Farmer John nods thoughtfully and says, “Aye… mine did too.”
One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his polar bear son were sitting in the snow. The cub turned to his father and said: “Dad, am I 100 percent polar bear?”
“Of course, son” replied the father. “you are 100 percent polar bear”
A few minutes later the cub turned to his father again and said: “Dad, tell me the truth, I can take it. Am I 100 percent polar bear? No brown bear or black bear or grizzly bear?”
The father put a loving paw on the son’s head. “Son,” he said “I am 100 percent polar bear, your mother is 100 percent polar bear, so you are definitely 100 percent polar bear.”
The cub seemed satisfied, but a few minutes later he turned to his father and once more said: “Look, Dad, I don’t want you saying this just to spare my feelings. I have to know: am I 100 percent polar bear?”
By now the father is becoming distressed by the continual questioning and said: “Why do you keep asking if you are 100 percent polar bear?”
The cub replied: “Because I’m freezing!!!”
