Topic: Sexual Humor
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Vices and Life: A Deadly Decision
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain-smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.”
The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar.
The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself! . His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.
No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor’s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.
The homosexual looked at the chain-smoker and said,
“You know if you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead!”
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What’s your secret?
So a 104-year-old man is being interviewed on the news. The interviewer says, “You’re 104 years old, you walk a mile a day, your mind is still sharp, and you still take care of yourself in your own home. Tell me … What’s your secret?”
And the old man says, “I once blew a guy for a sandwich.” -
Potential vs Reality
A son tells his father he has a homework assignment due, and he can’t figure out how to complete it. The task is to explain the difference between theory and reality.
The father instructs him: “Go ask your mom if she would have sex with a stranger for $1,000,000.”
The mom says yes.
Then the father tells him to ask his sister the same question.
She also says yes.
The father says, “There. You figured out the assignment. In theory, we live with two millionaires. In reality, we live with two sluts.”
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Blonde in a library
A blonde walked into a library, marched up to the counter, and said, “I’d like a Big Mac combo meal with large fries and a Diet Coke.”
The librarian said, “Excuse me! This is a library!”
The blonde then whispered, “Sorry… I’d like a Big Mac combo meal with large fries and a Diet Coke.”
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Billy Bob and Joe
Two hicks, Billy Bob and Joe, were working on their farm when they were approached by a traveling beautiful busty blonde. She looked them up and down and said, “Howdy, boys. I’m feeling a bit randy, and you two look like you could satisfy my itch. Would you two fine, strapping young men like to help a girl out?” The men are definitely down, but she holds up a couple of foil wrappers. “But you will have to wear these condoms, because I don’t want to get pregnant.” They agree, and soon the three of them are having a fantastic and memorable ménage à trois.
Several months go by. Then Billy Bob turns to Joe and says, “Hey Joe? You remember that blonde from a few months back?”
“Yeah, what about her?”
“Well, do you really care if she gets pregnant?”
“No, not really. You?”
“No. So why don’t we take these things off?”
