Not a Match

I was at a speed dating event, looking for a partner who can light my cigarette.

The first candidate started telling me about how smoking is actually really bad for me.

I told him that I appreciate his intention, but it’s not a match.

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Two Dead Dogs

Last week, my girlfriend’s dog died. So to cheer her up I bought her an identical one. She was livid.

Yelled at me, “What the fuck am I going to do with two dead dogs?”

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Posted: April 17, 2026 (4 months ago)
Views: 0
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Topics: aging, food, relationships
Sensitivity: PG-13