16. Rather than reboot your PC to fix the problem, she suggests you sacrifice a chicken.
15. John Smith… could you please spell that for me, sir?
14. The hold music? Nothing but sitars, gongs, pan flutes and bagpipes.
13. He tells you the problem with your Gateway computer is that you’re worshipping false bovine idols.
12. The loud noises in the background are perfectly in synch with exploding bombs on live CNN war coverage.
11. [Burrrp!] So sorry — my fermented yak milk is repeating on me today.
10. Her first step toward solving your DVD player problem is instructing you to eject the disk.
9. You accuse him of giving you the runaround. He corrects you, saying in his culture it’s known as the eightfold path.
8. To sweeten the deal, he offers to throw in a couple of Russian orphans.
7. “No, you stupid cow — I said CLOCKWISE! Great Buddha, you are dense!”
6. “And while I have you on the phone, Mrs. Smith, may I tell you about my aunt, the widow of the deceased chief secretary to the deposed Prince Regent of Nigeria? You see, he’s living in exile and he has all of this money…”
5. I’m sorry, Wing-Ma took the morning off for maternity leave. She’ll be back after lunch.
4. Boy, what a commute this morning. My bus plunged off a mountainside — again!
3. Hi, my name is Bob Deathtoamerica. How may I help you?
2. Would you like to add the extended service agreement for an additional eighty wildebeest furs?
1. I am sorry, but it is quite sunny here today, so I have no place to stick your overdraft notice.
The Top 5 List — www.topfive.com
Copyright 2004 by Chris White
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