Top 13 Signs Youre a Slut

16. AT&T gives you a volume discount for monthly booty calls.

15. Charlie Sheen keeps spraying you with Lysol.

14. Your only concern is whether he’s breathing or not, and rigor mortis can waive that requirement.

13. Kid Rock declines because he considers you “too skanky.”

12. You had an access-card reader installed in your ass crack.

11. The city finally broke down and built a freeway exit ramp directly to your driveway.

10. Your breast “accidentally” pops out on national TV during a halftime show.

9. Forget dinner and a movie — *you* settle for malt liquor and Polaroids.

8. Last night, you had sex with the entire band… the New York Philharmonic.

7. You make weekly lingerie runs to Costco.

6. During your scheduled OB/GYN appointment, you surprise the doctor by wearing edible panties. With maple syrup poured on them.

5. Even Cardinal Law won’t cover for you any more.

4. You’ve X’ed out every square in this month’s Kama Sutra Bingo card. Come to think of it, you actually *invented* Kama Sutra Bingo.

3. You legally changed your name to Slutty McSlut.

2. “You had me at ‘Gesundheit!’”

1. Drive-through customer: “Two cheeseburgers and a vanilla shake.”
Your response: “You want sex with that?”

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[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]