The Top 16 Election Day Cocktails

16. Mudslinger

15. Non-Consensual Sex on the Beach

14. Pina Clintada: coconut, pineapple, and $250K for access to the bartender

13. Orange Whine Cooler

12. The Jill Beer Stein: a “germ”-in beer stein filled with penicillin

11. Slow Uncomfortable Grope Against the Wall

10. Mai-Tais to Wall Street

9. The Greatest: just toilet water, but believe me, everyone is saying it will be beautiful, the best cocktail you ever tasted

8. BenghaZima

7. The Gary Johnson: you’ll forget your troubles, foreign leaders, war zones…

6. Margarita (that Mexico will pay for!)

5. The Campaign Promise: an empty glass

4. White Russian Who Got a Meeting With the Secretary of State Because He Contributed to Her Foundation

3. Bloody Megyn

2. Screwedover: orange juice with lots of bitters

And the Number One Election Day Cocktail…

1. Pervy Wallbuilder