The Five Penguins in the Back Seat

Guy pulls up to a gas station, and the attendant notices there are 5 penguins in the back seat.

Attendant says, “WTF — you have 5 penguins in your back seat.”

“I KNOW!” the guy says. “They jumped in at the light, and now I don’t know what to do.”

Attendant thinks for a second and says, “I’ll tell you what I’d do — I’d take them to the zoo.”

“That’s a great idea!” says the driver.

A week later, same driver pulls in with the same 5 penguins, only now they’re wearing sunglasses.

“What are you doing — I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!” exclaims the attendant.

“We did go! We had a great time! Today we’re going to the beach!”

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Souble Standards

When I’m sitting in a restaurant with a date and she asks, “Do you mind if I smoke?” I always feel like saying, “No, but do you mind if I sit here beside you and discreetly masturbate under the tablecloth?”

Regrettably, I never do, since by the time she gets around to asking about the cigarette, I’m usually half finished and have no intention of stopping anyway.

Posted: May 25, 2026 (4 months ago)
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Topics: absurdist, animals, misunderstanding
Sensitivity: Clean