Meh Thoughts

My wife took everything from me in the divorce. Including my expensive shoes.
She has sole custody.

My grief councillor died last week.

Luckily for me, though, he was very good at his job, because I really don’t give a shit.

Did you hear about the guitar that aroused people when played?

It had to be put on the sexy Fenders register.

My father ran the marathon but my mother ran the 100 meter dash so I grew up with mixed race parents.

I just bought a new blindfold, but I can’t see myself wearing it.

Common sense is like deodorant… the people who need it most never use it.

I always thought orthopedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy.

If I won a million dollars, I wouldn’t have to think twice about donating a quarter of it to charity because $999,999.75 is still a lot of money at the end of the day.

Yoda’s last name…
Is obviously “Layheehoo”