Called my boss this morning, asked him if I could come in late today because I’m super tired. He said, “Keep dreaming buddy.”
Which was super nice and unexpected of him.
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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Well I’m Here Now
A member of the KGB is walking along a production line in a factory and decides to ask a few questions of one of the workers.
KGB: “Comrade, if you had a drink of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”
The worker thinks a bit and replies, “Yes, I think so.”
KGB: “Comrade, if you had five drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”
The worker again considers this a bit and again replies, “Yes, I think so.”
KGB: “Comrade, if you had ten drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”
The worker answers quickly, “Well, I’m here now…”
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Absolute Game Changer
I’ve recently switched from eating venison to eating pheasant.
Absolute game changer.
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Haven’t Heard From Him Since
Another friend recently quit his job to pursue a career to be a mime.
I haven’t heard from him since.
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Catch a Falling Star and Blackmail It
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Then tell it that unless you get a cool half-mil, you’ll sell to the highest tabloid bidder those embarrassing photos of it puking naked in the alley.
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A Nasty Habit
I met a nun who wiped her nose on her clothes.
She had a nasty habit.
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His Career Is Now in Ruins
I have a friend who quit his job to pursue his dream in archaeology.
His career is now in ruins.
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It’s Perfectly Normal
When my daughters were much younger, I tried to explain to them that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.
But they still make fun of me.
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You’ve Got a Friend in Me
The next Toy Story movie will include sex toys. They even wrote a new song for Andy’s mom:
You’ve got a friend IN ME.
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Your Dad Was Better at It
Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.
When I asked her why, she said, “Because your dad was better at it.”
