Topic: animals
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Two hunters
Two hunters were out in the woods when one of them suddenly collapsed.
The other grabbed his phone, called emergency services, and yelled, “Help! We were out hunting, and I think my buddy’s dead! What do I do?!”
The operator said calmly, “All right, sir. First, make sure he’s dead.”
There was a pause… then two gunshots.
The hunter came back on the line and said, “Okay — now what?”
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Visiting the Zoo
A family is visiting the zoo.
While they’re watching the elephants, the little boy points and asks his mother, “Mom, what’s that hanging down underneath the elephant?”
“That’s his trunk,” she replies.
“No,” says the boy, “at the other end.”
“Oh, that’s his tail,” she says.
“No, no, the thing underneath!” the boy insists.
Realizing what he means, the mother blushes and says, “Oh, never mind that. That’s nothing.”
Confused, the boy turns to his father.
“Dad, what is that thing underneath the elephant? Mom said it’s nothing.”
The father looks at the elephant, then at his son, and says, “Well, son, your mother is just spoiled.”
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Little Johnny and Cows
Little Johnny is out riding his bike with his dad through the fields when he sees a bull on top of a cow.
Johnny: “Dad, what’s that bull doing?”
Dad: “Well, the sun’s about to set, Johnny, so the bull is just pushing the cow back into the barn.”Johnny: “Wow! It’s a good thing Mama held on to the kitchen table yesterday—otherwise the postman would’ve pushed her all the way back to the post office!”
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I want puppies!
A little girl is walking with her grandmother when they see two dogs going at it.
When she asks what they’re doing, the grandmother sheepishly explains, “Well, they’re making puppies.”
That night, the girl walks into her parents’ room without knocking and sees her dad on top of her mom.
She asks what’s going on, and her dad says, “Well, I’m making you a little brother or sister.”
The girl says, “Flip her over, Dad—I’d rather get puppies!”
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Wise little girl
A little girl was out with her grandmother when they came across two dogs mating on the sidewalk.
“What are they doing?” the girl asked.
The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, “The dog on top hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.”
The girl thought for a moment, then said, “They’re just like people, aren’t they?”
“What do you mean?” Grandma asked.
“Offer someone a helping hand,” said the girl, “and they’ll fuck you every time.”
