Nope — I Slept With Your Wife

A man walks into a bar.

Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash Chaos

The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”

The man replies, “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death.”

The bartender looks shocked and says, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you kill yourself.”

The man asks, “Well, what would you do in my situation?”

The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says, “If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife, I wouldn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I’d kill the guy.”

The man jumps up from his stool and shouts, “That’s a great idea! Thanks!” Then he runs out of the bar.

A couple of hours go by, and the bartender starts to get nervous. Then the man walks back in with a smile on his face.

“Did you kill the guy?” the bartender asks nervously.

“Nope,” the man says. “I slept with your wife. Whiskey, please.”

Heckle this joke

Got a better punchline or a worse take? Drop a one-liner.

Nobody has heckled this yet. Suspicious restraint.

Optional. Bad aliases encouraged.

0/280 · Moderated before publishing.

When you’re saving for retirement, it’s important to diversify.

When you’re saving for retirement, it’s important to diversify. Example: I have 33% of my savings in stocks, 33% in bonds and 34% in Chuck E. Cheese game tokens. I plan on whacking a ton of moles and playing a buttload of skee ball in my golden years.

Posted: April 3, 2026 (6 months ago)
Views: 0
Shares: 0
Topics: drugs & alcohol, law & crime, relationships
Sensitivity: Questionable