Delivery Style: anecdotal

Anecdotal joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • A guy finds an old lamp

    A guy is walking along a beach and finds an old lamp.

    He rubs it, and a genie pops out. The genie says, “I can grant you three wishes, but there’s a catch: your ex-wife gets double whatever you ask for.”

    The man thinks and says, “For my first wish, I’d like a billion dollars.”

    The genie snaps his fingers. “Done. You have a billion dollars, and your ex-wife has two billion.”

    The man says, “For my second wish, I’d like a fleet of the world’s finest sports cars.”

    The genie snaps his fingers. “Done. You have ten Ferraris, and your ex-wife has twenty.”

    The man pauses, looking very thoughtful. Finally, he says, “For my third wish… I’d like to donate one of my kidneys.”

  • Gary got beat up

    John runs into his old friend Gary, who looks like he’s been beaten by a thousand fists.
    Now Gary is the nicest guy ever; it’s hard to imagine anyone getting mad at him, let alone beating him so savagely.
    I asked, “What happened?!?!”
    He explained, “Well, I was on the escalator, and the lady in front of me was wearing a pretty skirt, but it had bunched up between her cheeks, so I gently pulled it out. Then she turned around and slapped me.”
    “Wow! Maybe you should have just let it be, but it looks like you got more than just slapped.”
    “I know! I knew I messed up, and I felt bad, so when she turned around, I started poking it back in…”

  • Secrets Whispered: Conspiracy Theories Await!

    I went to the library and asked the librarian where I could find books about conspiracy theories. She leaned over and whispered:
    “They are right behind you.”

  • GrandDad’s Farm: Cows, Chickens, and Last Laughs

    My GrandDad’s last words before he bought the farm:

    ”Now we’re gonna have to get some cows and chickens.”

  • Grandpa’s Last Laugh: The Shaky Ladder Lesson

    I’ll never forget my grandfather’s last words to me:

    “Stop shaking that ladder, you little jerk!”

  • Kickin’ the Bucket: Grandpa’s Final Laugh

    I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s final words before he kicked the bucket.

    He said “How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

  • Little Johnny refused to study math

    Little Johnny refused to study math so his parents decided to put him in Catholic school and let the nuns fix the situation. Sure enough, Johnny came home after her very first day and went straight to his room to work on his math homework. Right after dinner, he went back to his room to study math, right up to bedtime. And even after bedtime, his parents found him working on math problems with a flashlight under his blanket.

    The next morning, while Johnny was working on math problems over breakfast, his baffled parents asked him why his new school had changed his attitude towards math so quickly. He answered with a terrified whisper:

    “When the nuns took us to chapel, I saw the guy they nailed to the plus sign…. I knew they weren’t joking around.”

  • Trying to sell a dog

    A guy walks into a bar with a sad look on his face.

    A regular sees him and says “Hey guy, you doing alright?”

    “I’m doing terrible” the guys says “I’m having money troubles and the only option I got left is to sell my beloved dog. So, I’m just traveling around town asking if anyone wants to buy him off me. He’s in the car now.”

    “I’m sorry to hear that” says the regular, “what are you asking for him?”

    “500 dollars” the man says.

    “Whoa that’s a lot of money for a dog” the regular says

    “Well, it’s like that dog is a part of my family. He’s the gentlest, sweetest dog you’ve ever seen. He never barks, unless there is an intruder, in which case he turns into the meanest SOB that ever lived. When he needs to go, he’ll just nudge your leg once or twice and then sit by the door and wait till you’re ready to let him out. My kids and wife love him, and are going to hate me for selling him, but I don’t have any other options.”

    The regular says “well jeez, guy. If the dog is that good, I’ll take him. I’d be happy to help you out”

    A year later the man walks into the bar again.

    This time the regular is there again, but he screams “YOU! YOU SOLD ME THAT GOOD FOR NOTHIN’ SON OF A BITCH DOG. That dog does nothing but shit all over the house. He barks constantly, and tries to bite my wife and kids every chance he gets. I swear to god the day I bought that dog was the last good day I’ve had!”

    The man looks at the regular, smiles, and says “Mister… you’re never ever gonna sell that dog if you keep talking about him like that”

  • From Despair to Hope: A Healing Shift

    I woke up this morning and I felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a thousand aspirin.

    But after the first two, I felt better.

  • Gym Woes: Broken Machines and No Treats!

    I went to the gym the other day and my favorite machine was broken.

    I couldn’t get any chocolate or Coke or anything.