Format: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • A Compass That Points West

    I made a compass that always points west instead of north. A customer bought it, only to return it the next day, telling me it was set up wrong and asking for his money back.

    I assured him it was working exactly as intended:

    “It’s set up occidentally on purpose.”

    He wasn’t having any of it and informed me, with a strong lisp case of rhotacism, that he was an undercover policeman and would be pressing charges.

    “You’re under a west!” he said.

    And so I was carted away to be incarcerated at the Antarctic Correctional Facility for Crooked Compass Makers and Cartographers.

    Honestly, I didn’t expect things to go south so quickly…

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  • A Week Of Names

    Monday: Greg
    Tuesday: Ian
    Wednesday: Greg
    Thursday: Ian
    Friday: Greg
    Saturday: Ian
    Sunday: Greg

    The Gregorian Calendar.

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  • A Woman On The Train

    A man is sitting on the train when a woman sits across from him. He cannot avoid the fact that she’s gorgeous, and as he’s checking her out, he notices she’s wearing a skirt but no underwear. She catches him, and he quickly looks away, embarrassed.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    She calms him, tells him it wasn’t a big deal, and they start chatting as the train leaves the station.

    As they travel together, she tells him that her vagina can do tricks.

    “No way,” he says.

    “Yes way,” she says. “Look, I’m gonna make my vagina wink at you.” She proceeds to make it move, which leaves him impressed.

    “That was awesome!” he says.

    “Now look as it throws you a kiss,” and soon enough she makes it blow a kiss.

    “Fantastic!” he exclaims. At this point, she is visibly aroused.

    “Say, you wanna stick your fingers in there?” she asks.

    “You’re kidding, right? IT CAN WHISTLE TOO?!”

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  • A Quick Fix For Back Pain

    I went to the doctor because I was having back pain.

    He examined me and said, “It turns out one of your legs is longer than the other. But good news, I have a quick fix!”

    “Nonsense,” I said. “You can’t fix one leg being longer than the other!”

    He handed me a thick insole and told me to put it in the shoe of my shorter leg.

    “Just try it. You’ll see.”

    So I did.

    Amazingly, my back pain disappeared, and I could stand up straight again.

    “Oh,” I said, feeling a little embarrassed. “I guess I stand corrected.”

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  • The Vastness of Space

    If you think about the vastness of space, and how enormous our galaxy is, and how big our planet is, and how small we are, I’m not really eating all that much cheese.

  • Suing the Airlines for Mishandling My Luggage

    I hired a lawyer to sue the airlines for mishandling my luggage.

    They lost the case.

  • The Huge Fish

    A priest hooks a huge fish. Helping him reel it in, a sailor says, “Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Hey, mind your language!” says the priest.

    Embarrassed, the sailor says, “Sorry, Father, but that’s what this fish is called. It’s a Fucker fish.” Accepting the explanation, the priest takes the fish back to church.

    “Look at this huge fucker,” says the priest, spotting the bishop.

    The bishop cleans the fish and brings it to the mother superior. “Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?”

    The mother superior says, “Wonderful, I’ll cook that fucker tonight. The Pope is coming for dinner!”

    The fish tastes great, and the Pope asks where they got it.

    “Well, I caught the fucker!” says the priest.

    “And I cleaned the fucker!” says the bishop.

    “And I cooked the fucker!” says the mother superior.

    The Pope stares at them, leans back, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey, and says, “You know what? You cunts are alright.”

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  • My Girlfriend

    I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

    I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

  • Did you know that everything in the dictionary starts with “E”?

    Did you know that everything in the dictionary starts with “E”?

  • Going to a Child Psychologist

    I used to go to a child psychologist. That kid did nothing for me.