Delivery Style: storytelling

Storytelling joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Push Up Bottom

    A blonde woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant.

    The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bottom deodorant and never have. The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter that she has been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis and would like some more.

    The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing full well that they don’t stock, or have ever sold, such an item. She smiles at the thick blonde pillock and says, “One moment please, I will get the pharmacist.”

    The pharmacist looks at the blonde and says, “Can I help you miss?”

    “I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please,” says the blonde.

    “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”

    “But I always get it here,” says the blonde.

    “Do you have the container it comes in?”

    “Yes!” Said the blonde, “I will go and get it.”

    She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to the her “This is just a normal stick of under arm deodorant.”

    The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.”

  • The Big Fan

    A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in.

    “I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.”

    After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

    He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

    When he asked what happened, she said: “I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can’t remember anything after I turned off the big fan.”

  • Im Winning

    In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

    She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

    Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

    The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: “Can’t you see I’m winning??”

  • Small World

    Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn’t bother to wave the men on through (which is proper golf etiquette).

    After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, “I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”

    He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining, “I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”

    The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back. He smiled sheepishly and said, “Small world.”

  • Quintiple My IQ

    There are three guys enjoying a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting them each one wish. Now one of the guys just doesn’t believe it and says, “O.K., if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The mermaid says, “Done!”

    Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, “Triple my I.Q.”

    And the mermaid replies, “Done!”

    The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping scientists in various fields. The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends that he says to the mermaid, “Quintiple my I.Q.”

    The mermaid looks at him and says, “You know, I normally don’t try to change other people’s minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you would reconsider.”

    The guy replies, “No, I want to increase my I.Q. times five and if you don’t do it, I won’t set you free.”

    “Please,” says the mermaid, “You don’t know what you’re asking…it’ll change your entire view of the universe…won’t you ask for something else..a million dollars, anything?”

    But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five times its usual power.

    So the mermaid sighed and said, “Done!”

    And with that, he became a woman!

  • All These Years Ive Been Wringing It

    Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

    “Wow,” Gary said. “I’ve never seen one like that before.”

    “Like what?” Martin said.

    “All twisted like a pig’s tail,” Gary said.

    “Well, what’s yours like?” Martin said.

    “Straight, like normal,” Gary said.

    “I thought mine was normal until I saw yours,” Martin said.

    Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.

    “What did you do that for?” Martin said.

    “Shaking off the excess drops,” Gary said. “Like normal.”

    “Cripes,” Martin said. “And all these years I’ve been wringing it.”

  • The Female Brain Cell

    Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man’s head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Hello?” she cried… but no answer.

    “Is there anyone here?”

    She cried a little louder, but still no answer….

    Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled: “HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?”

    Then she heard a voice from far, far away …

    “Hello – we’re all down here….”

  • Counting Your Ribs

    Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she charged.

    “You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.”

    The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

    “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.

    “Counting your ribs,” said Eve.

  • One Little Weenie

    A man and his wife were gardening in the back yard when the husband looks up to see his wife bending over to pick some flowers. He looks at her rear and then looks at the Webber Bar-B-Q, noticing that they are the same size.

    He says to his wife, “Your butt is as big as our Bar-B-Q!”

    She ignores him and goes back to her gardening. The husband can’t stand it so he goes to the garage and gets a tape measure and measures the Bar-B-Q and his wife’s rear and they are exactly the same size.

    That night in bed the husband starts to cuddle with his wife, but the wife says, “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

    The husband says, “I thought I was gonna get a little tonight.”

    His wife replies, “If you think that I’m going to fire up this Webber Bar-B-Q for one little weenie, you are crazy!”

  • A Penny for Your Thoughts

    One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.

    “A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear.

    “It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50!”