Delivery Style: storytelling

Storytelling joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Horses Making Love: Farm Education Lesson

    There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy. One day, she went to his parents’ house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking they came upon the 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she’s never seen anything like this before so she asks the boy, “What are they doing?”

    He says “They’re making love.”

    “Well, what’s that long thing he’s sticking in there?” she asks.

    “Oh, uh, that’s his rope” he answered.

    “Well, what are those two round things on the other end?” she asks.

    He says “Those are his knots.”

    She says, “Oh, OK I got it.”

    As they continue their stroll, they come to a barn and go in. She looks at him and says, “I want you to make love to me the way those animals were.”

    Surprised and excited, the boy agrees. While they’re getting at all hot and heavy, she grabs his balls and squeezes.

    “Whoa, what are you doing?” he shouts.

    The girl innocently replies, “I’m untying the knots so I’ll get more rope.”

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  • Doctor’s Wife Sets Straight Woman’s Misconceptions

    At a big cocktail party, an obstetrician’s wife noticed another guest, a big, over sexed woman, was making overtures to her husband. But it was a large, informal gathering, so she tried to laugh it off, until she saw them disappear into a bedroom together.

    At once she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and screamed, “Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn’t INSTALL them!”

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  • Accountant’s Creative Job Title Consultation

    A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”

    He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”

    The woman replies, “I’m a whore.”

    The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”

    The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.”

    “No, that is still too crude. Try again.”

    They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.”

    The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”

    “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”

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  • Doctor, It Only Hurts When I Masturbate

    A man goes to the doctors and says “Doc, you gotta help me!”

    The doctor says “What’s your problem?”

    The guy says every morning I wake up with my “morning flagpole”.. give the missus a quick one, then go to work. On the way to work I car pool with the next door neighbor’s wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work.. Once I get to work I do some work and at morning tea time I go into the photocopy room and have it off with one of the young office girls. At lunch I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good bonking… For afternoon tea I give the boss’s wife a good servicing.. I then go home and slip the maid a few inches.. Then at night I give the missus another screw……

    “Well” said the doctor. “What’s your problem?”

    The guy says “Well, it hurts when I masturbate.”

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  • The Curious Barber and the Lawn Boy

    A middle aged guy, tired of mowing the lawn, finally breaks down and hires a neighbourhood kid to do the job for him.

    One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving, when Bubba, a kid from around the neighbourhood, comes in after having mowed the lawn for him, and proceeds to pee in the toilet.

    Bubba was rather well endowed and curiosity got the best of the husband and he just had to look. Sure enough, Bubba had the largest penis he had ever seen!!!

    The man asked Bubba, “I don’t mean to be too personal, but how did your dick get that big? I couldn’t help but notice…”

    Bubba laughed and said, “It’s simple, every night before I go to bed, I bang it on the bedpost three times.”

    The husband was excited at the simplicity of this technique and could hardly wait to try it himself. Before he climbed into bed that night, he whipped it out and banged it on the bedpost three times.

    He was just climbing into bed with newfound confidence when his wife sat up, half-asleep and rubbing her eyes, and said, “Is that you, Bubba?”

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  • Condom Math Gone Wrong

    A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, “What happened to the other five condoms?”

    His nervous reply was, “Er, I masturbated with them.”

    Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, “Have you ever done that?”

    “Yeah, once or twice,” he told her.

    “You mean you’ve actually masturbated with a condom before?” she asked.

    “Oh,” he said, “I thought you were asking if I’d ever lied to my girlfriend.”

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  • Blind Date’s Unusual Amusement Park Obsession

    A young man took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. “What would you like to do next?” he asked.

    “I wanna get weighed,” she said.

    So the young man took her over to the weight guesser.

    “One-twelve,” said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.

    “I wanna get weighed,” she said.

    I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl’s mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, “What’s wrong, dear, didn’t you have a nice time tonight?”

    “Wousy,” said the girl.

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  • Mailbox Meet-Cute Takes Unexpected Turn

    A man rented an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on the mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of an apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. He smiled at her and she struck up a conversation. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was quite obvious that she had nothing on under the robe. He broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

    After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, “Let’s go in my apartment, I hear someone coming…”

    He preceded her into the apartment, and after she closed the door, she leaned against it allowing her robe to fall completely open. She purred at him, “I saw you looking. What would you say is my best feature?”

    He cleared his throat several times, looked her up and down and finally managed to squeak out, “Oh, it’s got to be your ears!”

    She was astounded! “Why my ears? Look at these boobs! They are full, don’t sag, and they’re all mine! My butt — it’s firm, doesn’t sag, and has no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes or scars! Why in heaven’s name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!”

    Clearing his throat once again, he stammered, “Outside when you said you heard someone coming — THAT WAS ME!”

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  • Check Fraud Gets Creative With Rental Excuse

    A man went to a woman in a bar and offered her 500 dollars for sex. He said that he did not have the money on him but he would mail her a check the next day. She agreed. The next day, the man changed his mind and had his secretary mail a check for 250 dollars with the following note:

    Dear Madam, Here is money I owe for the apartment you showed me. You will note that it is less than the agreed upon amount because when I rented the apartment I was under the following assumptions…
    that it was heated, that it had never been rented before and that it was much smaller than it was.

    The woman promptly replied with, “Sir, here is your check back. As for the apartment, it is heated, you simply did not know how to turn it on. Secondly, how could you ever think that such a beautiful apartment would sit vacant? And as for the size, it was just right and not my fault that you did not have the furniture to fill it!”

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  • Woman’s Expensive Evening Surprise Twist

    One evening after attending the theater two gentlemen were walking down the street when they observed a well-dressed, attractive young lady walking just ahead of them. One turned to the other and said, “I’d give 50 bucks to spend the night with that woman.”

    To their surprise, the woman turned and said, “I’ll take you up on that.”

    She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his friend good-night, the man accompanied the lady to her apartment, where they immediately went to bed. The following morning the man presented her with 25 dollars as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money stating, “If you don’t give me the other 25 I’ll sue you for it.”

    He laughed, saying, “I’d like to see you get it on these grounds.”

    The next day he was surprised when he was served with a summons ordering his presence in court as defendant…. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case.

    His lawyer said, “She can’t possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented.”

    After the usual preliminaries, the lady’s lawyer addressed the court as follows:

    “Your Honor, my client is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $50. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purpose for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises he paid only $25. The rent is not excessive since it was restricted property, and we ask judgment to be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance.”

    The defendant’s lawyer was impressed and amused at the way the case had been presented. His defense was therefore somewhat altered from what he had planned…. This is what he said:

    “Your Honor, my client agrees the young lady has a fine piece of property, for a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However my client found a well on the property, around which he placed his own stones; sunk a shaft and erected a pump, all labor being personally performed by him. We claim these improvements to the property are sufficient to offset the unpaid balance, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of the said property. We therefore ask that the judgment not be granted.”

    The young lady’s lawyer’s comeback was like this….

    “Your Honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on the property, and he did make improvements such as described by my opponent, however, had the defendant not known the well existed, he would have never have rented the property; also, on evacuating the premises, the defendant moved the stones, pulled out the shaft and took the pump with him. In so doing he not only dragged his equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making it easily accessible to little children. We therefore ask judgment be granted.”

    She got it….

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