Joke Type: escalating

Escalating jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Give Her Another Chance

    A blonde pays $1,000,000 to rent a stadium to prove blondes are smart.

    She fills it with 80,000 other blondes and calls one up on live TV.

    She starts with a simple math question.

    “What’s twenty plus three?” she asks.

    The volunteer thinks for a moment and whispers, “Nine?”

    Instantly, the crowd of 80,000 blondes erupts:

    “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

    The presenter smiles, calms the crowd, and tries again.

    “Okay dear… what’s two plus two?”

    After a long pause, the blonde whispers, “Four?”

    Once again, the stadium roars:

    “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

  • Bear Hunting

    Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or you let me fuck you in the ass.”

    After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob.

    Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

    The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That bear was my cousin and you’ve got two choices — either I maul you to death or you let me fuck you in the ass.”

    Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.

    Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

    The polar bear lets out a huge sigh and says, “Admit it, Bob, you’re not here for the hunting, are you?”

  • How to Wave a Blanket

    An old Australian farmer marries the beautiful twenty-year-old daughter of a neighbouring farmer. After a week or two of regular sex, the farmer can’t seem to make the young woman climax. There is no doctor in the nearby town so he goes to visit the veterinarian and explains the situation.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The vet thinks for a little while and then says, “While I am not a human doctor, when farmers can’t get their cows excited for the bull, it’s usually on a very hot day like it is now. The farmer will wave a large blanket over the cow, which seems to get her into the mood.”

    The old farmer thinks for a while and decides to hire a young man from the town to wave the blanket while he makes love to his beautiful young wife.

    The young man dutifully waves the blanket over the copulating couple but after about ten minutes she remains unimpressed.

    Perturbed by now, the old farmer says to the young man, “Let’s swap places and see what happens.” The farmer then starts waving the blanket vigorously and soon his beautiful young wife begins to climax numerous times.

    The old man drops the blanket and proudly yells, “That, my boy, is how you wave a fuckin’ blanket.”

  • That Bar Shit Is Over

    My wife and I had only been married two weeks when I told her, “Honey, I’m going to Hank’s Tavern for a beer. I’ll be right back.”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” she asked.

    “I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face,” I said. “Just for a beer.”

    “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the fridge and showed me 25 different kinds from 12 countries.

    “Yes, Lollipop… but at the bar they have frozen glasses…”

    “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She pulled out a huge frozen mug from the freezer.

    “Yes, Tootsie Roll… but they have really good hors d’oeuvres there too…”

    “You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She took out trays of chicken wings, pigs in blankets, and mushroom caps.

    “But baby, at the bar there’s swearing and dirty words…”

    “You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP, CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR FUCKIN’ BEER IN YOUR STUPID FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR DUMB ASS HORS D’OEUVRES RIGHT HERE! YOU’RE FUCKIN’ MARRIED NOW — THAT BAR SHIT IS OVER. GOT IT, DUMB ASS?”

    Exactly why I’ve been married for 27 years….