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Joke Type: escalating
Escalating jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Pirate Hook
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”
“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”
Bartender: “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
Pirate: “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”
Bartender: “Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”
Pirate: “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really…”
Bartender: “What about that eye patch?”
Pirate: “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.”
Bartender: “You’re kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shit?”
Pirate: “It was my first day with the hook.”
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Top 15 Signs Your Neighbor is a Playboy Playmate
The Top 15 Signs Your Neighbor is a Playboy Playmate
15. You get an angry phone call at 2 A.M. describing your barking dog as “a real turn-off.”
14. Every bush in her yard is trimmed in the shape of bunny ears.
13. Your wife forbids you to do yard work.
12. Cops break up loud parties at her place just like anywhere else, but they suck their guts in and pop a few Tic-Tacs before knocking.
11. Your son: “C’mon dad, PLEASE let me camp out in the backyard!”
You: “Son, go home before your wife and kids start to wonder where you are.”10. The Neighborhood Watch program takes on a whole new meaning, thanks to a bunch of lonely guys with binoculars.
9. Her lawn is kept completely bare on the edges and trimmed neatly down the middle.
8. There’s always a traffic jam on your street when she’s mowing the lawn, and you live on a cul-de-sac.
7. You’ve spoken with her hundreds of times but still have no idea what color her eyes are — or if she even *has* any.
6. Attendance at your neighborhood barbecue skyrockets after she announces she’ll “bring the buns.”
5. After helping her trim her trees, your husband brings home more wood than you can handle.
4. There are so many 13-year-olds mowing her lawn it sound like the Indy 500.
3. You have a steady stream of teenage boys asking if you’d like your walk shoveled. In August. In Los Angeles.
2. Her occupation is listed clearly as “Playboy Playmate” on the restraining order she just took out against you.
1. Your local Domino’s new guarantee: “Your pizza is there in four minutes or less, or your neighbor can spank us like naughty, naughty little boys!”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
