Story joke jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house. When they arrived at the house, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn’t going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used “blowup” dolls instead.
Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. Then, one day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad that read: Lose weight Only $1.00 a pound Call (202) 555-0238 The man decided to give it a try and called the number.
There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy. One day, she went to his parents’ house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking they came upon the 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she’s never seen anything like this before so she asks the boy, “What are they doing?”
A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, “What happened to the other five condoms?”
His nervous reply was, “Er, I masturbated with them.”
Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, “Have you ever done that?”
“Yeah, once or twice,” he told her.
“You mean you’ve actually masturbated with a condom before?” she asked.
“Oh,” he said, “I thought you were asking if I’d ever lied to my girlfriend.”
It happened that when Fred and John went to College they got rooms in different levels of the building but right on top of each other. John’s room was above Fred’s room and John was always good with the woman.
Three men escape from prison. The first tells the others that the security will soon be looking for them.
So, he suggests that each one of them climb a tree, and when the guards come, to make animal sounds and hopefully they will move on. All agree, and they all climb into different trees and try to hide.
A while later, security guards arrive and began searching. They thought they saw something in the first man’s tree, so they shine their flashlight into the branches and say “Anyone UP there?” “Tweet, Tweet” comes from the tree, so one of the guards says “Oh, it’s only a bird!, move on.” The guards then look into another tree and says “Anyone UP there?” and the second man replies
“Whhoo, Whhoo”. “Ah! It’s only an owl!, lets go!” The guards proceed to look at the next tree, and ask “I wonder if one of the prisoners are up there?”
Shining the flashlight, they listened intently…
“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
