Tone: darkly humorous

Darkly humorous humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • A Question for Mummy

    A Question for Mummy

    Mummy, can you
    get pregnant
    through anal sex?

    Of course my child,
    where do you think
    politicians come
    from?

  • Dating a Half Asian Girl

    Dating a Half Asian Girl

    I’m dating a half asian girl
    her mom is korean
    and her dad is also korean
    her legs were ripped off in a car accident

  • The Walk Home

    A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides, what the hell.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden, a light flashes on them. It’s a policeman.

    “What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.

    “I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

    “Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop. “I didn’t know.”

    “Well,” says the man, “to tell the truth, neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”

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  • The Scenic Drive

    After coming home late, my wife was furious and asked where I was. I told her I was playing poker with my friends.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    She refused to talk to me, so I took her out on a long scenic drive.

    Her mood eventually improved, and looking out the window, she sighed, “What a beautiful view. I wish we could spend the rest of our lives right here.”

    I said, “Well, your wish just came true… because you won’t believe what happened at poker.”

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  • Afternoon Tea With Cannibals

    Two cannibal friends are sitting together over afternoon tea.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    One looks across the table and asks, “Hey, I heard you and your boyfriend had a massive argument last night?”

    “Oh, absolutely,” she replies. “It was dreadful.”

    “So, where do things stand between you two now?”

    She pauses, takes a delicate sip from her teacup, and says, “Well… right now, I’m just letting him stew.”

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  • Gender Is Like the Twin Towers

    Gender Is Like the Twin Towers

    Jacob Manton
    Dec 29, 2018 at 12:46 AM

    Gender is like the twin towers

    There used to be 2 and now it’s a sensitive subject

  • Things You Don’t Joke About

    Things You Don’t Joke About

    Things you don’t joke about
    me

  • Say what you will of the Nazis

    Say what you will of the Nazis, but they did manage to do a lot of scientific research without harming any animals.

  • If only Africa had more mosquito nets

    If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

  • As Close As I’m Allowed to Get

    I tried to come up with a joke about restraining orders. But this is as close as I’m allowed to get.