Quit Making Spectacles of Yourselves

A monocle strolls into a bar. After a couple of drinks, he starts feeling pretty great (and a bit unsteady). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender cuts him off. “Sorry, pal, but city rules ban smoking inside. You’ll have to go outside if you want to smoke.”

So the monocle jumps down from the bar stool and picks up his cigarettes to head out. At the same time, a second monocle comes out of the bathroom. They collide as they pass each other and tumble to the ground, completely twisted together. They attempt to untangle themselves, but the harder they try, the more knotted they get.

The bartender stares down at the mess and shakes his head. “Hey, you two!” he yells. “Quit making spectacles of yourselves!”

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I used to try a lot of different sports when I was a kid, without ever excelling in any

I used to try a lot of different sports when I was a kid, without ever excelling in any particular one. Then I got older and realized you can *buy* trophies. Now I’m good at everything.

Posted: April 19, 2026 (5 months ago)
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Topics: drugs & alcohol, nightlife
Sensitivity: Clean