[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
12. She calls to ask you the meaning of “conjugal.”
11. Her new bumper sticker: “Convicts do it for life.”
10. She proudly says she finally found a man who sleeps in the same bed every night.
9. She only feels comfortable speaking to you on the phone when you’re on opposite sides of the same window.
8. Your ex *is* a convict.
7. Back from custody weekend, little Timmy asks if he can have a steel toilet next to his bed, “just like Uncle Snake!”
6. You hear her asking the kids if the “screws” at daycare are treating them right.
5. Your children’s response to why drugs are bad is “they violate your parole.”
4. You’re spending another weekend with the kids because “Mommy’s visiting the Conjugals.”
3. She boasts: “He’s a former child TV star!”
2. Your kids try to guess how many cigarettes their birthday presents are worth.
1. Her license plate is autographed.
Chaotic Meh