Buildup joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
This guy is driving through California and picks up a hitchhiker. They continue down the road until they come upon a sheep with its head caught in the fence. The driver, overcome with emotion, pulls off the road and says, “Oh, I can’t just drive past without doing something about this… I’ll be right back.”
A baby was born to a couple. When he was one, he could talk like an adult. When he was two, he could read anything. When he was three, he could do advanced calculus. When he was four, he could predict the future.
I really enjoy taking out the trash from my new home. It’s hard to explain, but walking the trash to the curb the night before trash day really makes me feel like a homeowner. Especially now that I’ve taken out the bodies of the previous owners.
A man walks into a bank.
Goes up to the teller and says, “I’d like to open a damn savings account.”
The teller says, “Sir, I’d be happy to help you, but this is a place of business — you can’t swear here.”
The man replies, “I don’t care, just let me open a damn savings account.”
The teller says, “Sir, that’s just inappropriate. If you keep talking to me that way I’ll have to get the manager.”
The man says, “Why won’t you just open the damn savings account?”
So the teller goes and gets the manager — he comes out and says, “Alright sir, I understand you’re swearing at my employee — what seems to be the problem here?”
The man says, “I don’t have a problem — I just won 5 million dollars in the lottery and I want to open up a damn savings account!”
The manager looks at the teller and back at the man and says, “And this motherfucker wouldn’t let you?”
I want to spice things up.
But you know that I’m allergic to chilli.
I mean in the bedroom.
I can’t eat them anywhere in the house, Alice.
Spider-Man Spider-Man
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web Any size
Catches thieves Eats those guys
Hey wait Don’t do that Spider-Man
The CIA, MI6, and KGB decide to have a competition to decide once and for all who are the best intelligence agency.
They meet on an island in the Pacific and release a rabbit into the forest, and then one by one each of them has to see how long it takes them to catch it.
The CIA goes into the forest first. They place the most sensitive listening equipment every few dozen meters. They scan the forest with satellites and analyze the images with AI. They pay the birds and mice to be informants. After four weeks, they write a report saying the rabbit does not exist and has never existed.
The MI6 team goes into the forest. After a couple days with no leads they make a pot of tea and argue about cricket for a week, and then return and declare the rabbit must have escaped to another island.
The KGB goes into the forest. Two hours later they return with a bear covered with bruises and two black eyes saying: “Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit, my family are all rabbits, and everyone I know is a rabbit!”
There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll. He brought her back to the states and they were very happy. He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had.
Every day it was, “Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.”
Every night it was, “Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have.”
Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said, “Beautiful Butt.” So she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says, “There is no way I can get ‘Beautiful Butt’ on your tiny little beautiful butt. But I can put a nice ‘B’ on each cheek which will stand for ‘Beautiful Butt.’”
A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B’s. Well the big day arrives and after a candle light dinner, gifts, and a sip of brandy, she appears in the bedroom in her birthday suit, turns around and bends over.
Quickly sitting up he exclaims, “Darling I love you, but who the hell is Bob?”
If you ever make the grueling trek to speak to the wise old man who lives at the top of the mountain and he lets you ask one question of him, don’t make the mistake I did and blurt out, “How’s it hangin’?”
