Delivery Style: escalating

Escalating joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Fart Football

    An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, “Seven points.”

    His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The old man replied, “It’s fart football.”

    A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

    After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, “Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.”

    Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

    Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.” Now the pressure is on for the old man.

    He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

    Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

    The wife says, “What the hell was that?”

    The old man says, “Half time, switch sides.”

  • The Most Potent Aphrodisiac

    Mrs. Jones has been happily married to her husband for 50 years, but she is disappointed by how they are no longer intimate anymore in their autumn years. She decides to see her doctor.

    “Mrs. Jones, how can I help you?” the doctor smiles. She explains her situation and the doctor nods.

    “That is fine, Mrs. Jones, I can give you some pills for him to take.” Mrs. Jones shakes her head sadly. “Doctor, he refuses to take pills. It’s too embarrassing for him to think he has to take pills for sex.”

    The doctor says, “Ok, take this vial of liquid and put it in his morning coffee.”

    Mrs. Jones leaves and comes back the next day. “Nothing, doctor, not even a hint of passion,” she says, disappointed.

    “Fine,” the doctor says. “Take this edible gel, and when you make him lunch, spread it on his sandwiches like butter. That’ll perk him up.”

    Mrs. Jones leaves and comes back the next day, annoyed. “Again, nothing. He didn’t so much as get excited, even when I wore some lacy panties to bed that night.”

    The doctor scratches his head. “Right then.” He goes to a drawer and comes back with a medication that comes in a salt shaker. “Put this on his dinner. It is our most potent aphrodisiac.”

    Mrs. Jones leaves and comes back the next day, absolutely furious. The doctor says, “Mrs. Jones, you must be joking, surely something happened.”

    Mrs. Jones angrily exclaims, “As soon as he had one bite, he got a mad glint in his eye. He took me and we had mad, wild, passionate sex. Right there on the table!”

    The doctor is confused. “But surely that’s what you wanted.”

    Mrs. Jones replies, “Of course, it was the best sex I have ever had in my life.”

    The doctor says, “But why are you so upset?”

    Mrs. Jones shouts, “I can never show my face in that restaurant again!!”

  • Give Her Another Chance

    A blonde pays $1,000,000 to rent a stadium to prove blondes are smart.

    She fills it with 80,000 other blondes and calls one up on live TV.

    She starts with a simple math question.

    “What’s twenty plus three?” she asks.

    The volunteer thinks for a moment and whispers, “Nine?”

    Instantly, the crowd of 80,000 blondes erupts:

    “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

    The presenter smiles, calms the crowd, and tries again.

    “Okay dear… what’s two plus two?”

    After a long pause, the blonde whispers, “Four?”

    Once again, the stadium roars:

    “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

  • Quit While He Was a Head

    A baby is born but he doesn’t have a body.

    He’s only a head. They called him Steven. Steven was a happy child and he lived as normal a life as you could under those circumstances. Finally when he reached 21 his dad said, “Come on son we’re going to have a drink to celebrate your birthday.”

    He put the head on the counter and he ordered two pints of Guinness. He said cheers and he poured a sip into his son’s mouth. To everyone’s surprise, a neck and shoulders popped out like balloons. With tears of joy, the dad gave him another sip, and pop! Two arms came out of the shoulders! The dad gave him a third sip, and pop! He grew a torso! And he gave him a fourth sip and pop! He grew legs! They had to get out of there to get him some clothes because he never had any before. His dad helped him to the door because he was unsteady on his feet because they were new and because of the drink.

    He stumbled into the street and got hit by a car, instantly killing him.

    The bartender said, “Poor guy. He should have quit while he was a head.”

  • The Big Ass Grill

    A husband is out in the backyard with his wife, who is busy gardening.

    He’s feeling a bit mischievous and says, “You know, honey, your butt is getting so big, it’s starting to look like that BBQ grill over there.”

    The wife ignores him and keeps weeding. Later that night in bed, the husband starts making some romantic advances. His wife completely brushes him off and rolls over.

    “What’s wrong?” he asks, surprised.

    She replies, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”

  • Bear Hunting

    Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

    The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or you let me fuck you in the ass.”

    After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob.

    Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

    The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That bear was my cousin and you’ve got two choices — either I maul you to death or you let me fuck you in the ass.”

    Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.

    Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

    The polar bear lets out a huge sigh and says, “Admit it, Bob, you’re not here for the hunting, are you?”