Delivery Style: storytelling

Storytelling joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Caught in the Rain, Caught in Bed

    A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend, “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband’s home early!”

    The boyfriend looked out the window and said, “I can’t jump out the window! It’s raining like hell out there!”

    She said, “If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!”

    So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street, he discovered he had run right in the middle of a town marathon, so he started running along beside the others. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.

    One of the runners asked him, “Do you always run in the nude?”

    He answered, while gasping for air, “Oh, yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running.”

    The other runner then asked the nude man, “Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?”

    The nude man answered breathlessly, “Oh, yes, that way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

    The runner then asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

    He replied, “Only if it’s raining.”

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  • Settling Out of Court on the Golf Course

    Two queers were enjoying a pleasant round of golf when a foursome of Hell’s Angels began hitting into them from behind. One queer finally becomes angry and turns to his partner,”If those big bad boys hit into us one more time, Seymour, you fall down and act like the ball hit you very very hard in the head. We’ll just sue those naughty boys.”

    Sure enough, next hole they drove the ball directly into the gay twosome. “Now, Seymour, now! Fall down. Well show them…”

    The Angels walk up to the standing and lying queer and say, “What the hell’s going on here?”

    “You just hurt my friend Seymour really bad, and we’re going to get a lawyer and sue you….how do you like that?”

    The Angel replies, “Oh Blow Me!”

    The queer exclaims, “Seymour, Seymour, get up! They want to settle out of court!”

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  • Newspaper Bird Prank Goes Horribly Wrong

    Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked “What do you have under the newspaper, mister?”

    “A bird,” the guy replied.

    The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, “I don’t know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I’m here.”

    Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her “What did you do to that naked fellow?”

    After a little pause, the girl replied, “To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire.”

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  • Long Distance Love’s Texting Troubles

    Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college, but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together.

    As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around.

    He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and e-mails trying to win back her love. She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

    So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.”

    Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but, even more, so, he was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.

    He wrote on the back of the photo the following, “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money! I’m getting pretty desperate!” and mailed the picture to her parents.

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  • # Long Distance Love’s Harsh Reality

    Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college, but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together.

    As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around.

    He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and e-mails trying to win back her love. She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

    So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.”

    Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but, even more, so, he was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.

    He wrote on the back of the photo the following, “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money! I’m getting pretty desperate!” and mailed the picture to her parents.

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  • Manners at the Dinner Table Apply Everywhere

    The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table.”

    Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” he asked, with a hint of a smile.

    “Yes,” replied the young woman, “much better.”

    “Very good, darling,” the husband whispered. “Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy?”

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  • Little Brother Not Wanted

    One night, a four-year old heard some strange noises in his parent’s bedroom, so he gets out of bed to check it out. He enters their room and sees his father on top of his mother.

    Pretty confused, he asks them what they were doing. Reckoning there was not a good time for the “flowers and the bees” story, Dad says “Ur, we’re, like, making a little brother for you”.

    The kid gets very upset and leaves the room sobbing “I don’t wanna little brooootheeer!”

    Next night, same thing, just that Mom was on top of Dad. “What now?”, wants the boy to know. Embarrassed, mom says they were making a little sister for him.

    “I don’t want no little siiiisteeeeer”, whimpers the kid, while returning to his bed.

    Third night he had the same sleeping problem. This time, in parent’s bed, the father was behind the mother, so he just slaps the door very angry, crying “I don’t want a doooog!”

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  • Front Hole Happiness

    A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love, she stooped down to pick up her husband’s clothes and accidentally let out a big fart. She looked up, smiled at him, and said:

    “Excuse please… Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud.”

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  • Stranded Beauty Finds Unexpected Farm Hospitality

    A beautiful young lady was a traveling sales person and her car broke down way out in the country. She checked the car as best she could but couldn’t find what was wrong. It was starting to get dark so she decided she had better find shelter for the night.

    She found a farm house a short distance up the road and knocked on the door. The farmer answered the door and asked her what she needed. She told the farmer that her car was broken down and she needed a place to stay for the night.

    The farmer told her he only had two bedrooms, he and his wife used one and their 18 year old son used the other. The farmer thought about it a minute and said my son went to town and won’t be home until late and he has a big bed anyhow if you want you can sleep in his bed tonight. She thought to herself, wow, 18 year old dick tonight, and said to the farmer that would be fine.

    After a nice supper they all went to bed. She took all of her clothes off and lay spread eagle on the bed waiting for the boy. About three in the morning the boy comes in, gets undressed and goes to bed. She waited a while, sure that he would be making advances, but nothing happened.

    After a little while she thought, well maybe he’s shy, so she said could you switch sides of the bed with me, thinking he may get her on the way over.

    He got up and walked around and got into the bed on the other side. She lay there a little longer and decided to try it again.

    Again, he got up and walked around and got into the bed on the other side. She figured there is only one way to make this hick understand, so she rolled over right on top of him and said, “OK now do you know what I want?”

    He said, “Yeah, you want the whole damn bed.”

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  • Virgin’s Unexpected Reaction to Creative Compromise

    A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.

    “Well, OK,” he says, “how about a blow job?”

    “EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwwwwww!” she screams. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”

    He says, “Well, then, how about a hand job?”

    “I’ve never done that,” she says. “What do I have to do?”

    “Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?”

    She nods.

    “Well, it’s just like that.”

    So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.

    “What’s wrong?!” she cries out.

    “TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!!!!!!”

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