Delivery Style: surprise twist

Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Gorilla and the Lion at the Safari Camp

    A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink…

    The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

    The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face.

    The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, “Did anyone see a gorilla run through here?”

    The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, “You mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?”

    The lion exclaims, “Oh my gosh! It’s in the paper already?”

  • The Amish Family and the Elevator

    An Amish husband, wife, and son travel to the city on vacation.

    While the mother shops, the father and son stand in awe in front of an elevator, having no idea what it is.

    As they watch, an elderly woman slowly walks into the strange silver doors. The doors close, and the father and son watch the numbers light up as the elevator rises… then pauses, and comes back down.

    A moment later, the doors open and a beautiful young woman steps out.

    The son stares in amazement and asks, “Dad… what just happened?”

    The father leans over and whispers, “I’m not sure, son… but quick, go get your mother!”

  • The Worst Lover in the World

    A man and a woman are lying together in the afterglow following sex.

    The woman says, “You must be the worst lover in the world.”

    The man defensively replies, “Oh yeah? Well, how did you figure that out in fifteen seconds?”

  • The Grocery Store Con

    I went to the grocery store for some bread, milk, bacon, eggs, and I ended up getting a couple things that were on sale because apparently I now get excited about discounts.

    The store was packed and the self checkout lane was down to one machine. Luckily there was a spot behind this little old Asian lady with a cart piled dangerously high with groceries. We started making small talk while we waited.

    Out of nowhere she smiled at me and said, “You look just like my son.”

    I laughed because… I’m very obviously not Asian.

    She laughed too and said, “Still, it would make me very happy if you said ‘Bye Mom’ to me when I leave.”

    Honestly, she reminded me of somebody’s sweet grandma, so I figured why not. It costs me nothing to be nice.

    A few minutes later she finished paying, waved at me, and started heading toward the door.

    So I smiled and called out, “Bye Mom!”

    She turned around grinning and yelled back, “Bye son!”

    A couple people in the line beside us smiled. One cashier even said, “Aww.”

    Then it was my turn.

    The cashier started scanning my stuff. Bread. Milk. Bacon. Eggs. A frozen pizza I absolutely did not need. Total seemed to be climbing pretty fast, but groceries are expensive now so I didn’t think much of it.

    Finally the cashier looked at me and said, “Okay, your total is $487.63.”

    I nearly had a heart attack.

    I said, “WHAT? For this?”

    The cashier looked confused and said, “Well… your mother said you’d be paying for her groceries too.”

  • Larry and the Divine Light Switch

    A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal.

    The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

    Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

    “Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

    A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

    “Bonnie…” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

    “Oh for Pete’s sake!” exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

  • Overheard at a Nursing Home

    Overheard at a nursing home:

    Old woman: “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!”

    Old man: “An elephant!”

    Old woman: “Close enough!”

  • Get a Hobby

    A man is talking to his therapist. “Doc, I feel like I’m wasting my life. All I do is sit around reading fantasy books. Must be my 50th time going through Tolkien. I feel so directionless.”

    The therapist tells him, “I would suggest finding a real hobby. One that gets you out of the house. Try it this week and come back.”

    The man shrugs. “Well, I guess it’s worth a shot.”

    The man goes back the following week and is on cloud nine. “Doc! I took your advice and I’ve had the best week ever. I must have been to a dozen different pubs, I went foraging for mushrooms, and I’ve been on all sorts of adventures.”

    “That’s great to hear. What did you do different?”

    “Instead of telling you, why don’t I show you?”

    The man opens the door and pulls in a little person with shaggy hair, bare feet, and smoking a long wooden pipe.

    The therapist is confused. “What does this person have to do with your new hobby?”

    There’s a long pause before the man replies, “Ohhh. Did you say get a hobby?”

  • The High-Speed Excuse

    A man is going 85 miles per hour on a motorway when he sees a police car in his mirror.

    He thinks for a moment as the officer is getting closer and then floors it, 95… 110… 140… Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows down and pulls over to the roadside.

    The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places his hands out where they can easily be seen.

    “You were going a little fast there,” the officer says, “but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself.”

    The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied, “Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a police officer. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the mirror, I thought you were bringing her back!”

  • The Organ Donor

    There once was a very prolific prostitute. She serviced many a John and a Jane over her career.

    Her biggest insecurity was always the way her vagina looked. She had rather large pussy lips (labia minora). Occasionally, she would be rejected by a client because of the way her lady bits looked, and she sought the advice of a surgeon.

    “Sure, we can reduce the amount of external flesh and create a more aesthetically appealing area in the process. Just know that the procedure will result in a lengthy healing process,” the doctor said after a thorough examination.

    “Please, doctor. I need this,” the woman said.

    The procedure went very successfully. No complications, sutures in the right places, everything was shaping up to heal quicker than expected.

    When the woman woke up, she had three bouquets next to her bed. The first was a modest six roses and a card. The card read, “To my daughter, I hope your recovery is swift. We may have our differences, but I will always love you. – Mum.”

    The second bouquet was two dozen beautiful roses and also had a card. This card read, “I can’t wait to see that delicious slot when it’s healed. I’ll triple the usual rate to have first crack at it! – #1 John.”

    There was a third bouquet that had a dozen roses, a dozen daffodils, a dozen sunflowers, two dozen lilies, and countless protea blooms. But there was no card accompanying it.

    Her doctor came in to follow up on the surgery and after examining her, she said, “Excuse me, doc? I know who these two gifts came from, but there wasn’t a card for the third. I don’t know who to thank for the gesture. Would you happen to know who sent these?”

    The doctor smiled and looked at his feet, as if slightly embarrassed. “Well, ma’am. When we copied your ID for record keeping, we saw you were an organ donor. Those flowers are from someone on the fourth floor burn ward. They wanted to thank you for their new ears.”

  • The Helpful Teacher at the Racetrack

    Two elementary school teachers took their students to a racetrack.

    During a bathroom break, one of the teachers took the boys to the restroom. Outside, one of the boys yelled, “Ma’am, we can’t reach the urinals!”

    Out of options, the teacher went inside and lifted the boys up one by one. When she picked up the fourth boy, she was shocked to see he was incredibly well-endowed for an elementary schooler.

    Trying to act natural, she smiled and guessed, “Wow, you must be in third grade, right?”

    The guy looked confused and replied, “No, ma’am… I’m the jockey riding the favorite in the next race. Thanks for the lift, though.”