Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A redneck tells his buddy, “Hey, I just got a promotion! I’m the boss’s sexual consultant.”
His buddy says, “Sexual consultant? How did you get that job?”
And the redneck says, “I told the boss he should fire Jones in accounting. And the boss said, ‘When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.’”
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over and help me. I have a jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her neighbor asks, “What’s it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
“According to the picture on the box,” she replies, “it’s a rooster.”
The neighbor decides to help. He comes over, and she shows him the puzzle pieces spread all over the kitchen table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box, then back at the table.
Finally, he smiles, gently takes her hand, and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re never going to turn these pieces into a rooster.”
“Second, let’s make ourselves a nice cup of tea…”
“…and then we’ll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.”
The other student says: “No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class.”
Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, “We’re medical students and couldn’t help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?”
The old man said, “I’ll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think.”
The first student said, “I think it’s Peltry Syndrome.”
The old man said, “You thought — but you are wrong.”
The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.”
The old man said, “You thought — but you are wrong.”
So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have?”
The old man said, “I thought it was gas — but I was wrong, too!”
A man and a woman are on board of the plane of an overnight flight.
“Looks like everyone’s asleep, let’s go…”
Sound of footsteps.
“There’s a free one right there. No one’s looking, you go in first.”
“It’s a bit tight… let me sit down. Did you bring a condom? Put it on, quick!”
Loud heavy breathing.
“Oh, my god… it’s amazing.”
A long, drawn-out sigh.
A hissing sound over the intercom, followed by a voice: “This is the captain speaking. I am addressing the two passengers who have locked themselves in the rear lavatory. We know what you’re doing in there, and it is strictly prohibited by airline regulations. Ditch the cigarettes and take the condom off the smoke detector!”
Two priests are driving down the highway and they come across a police checkpoint. They roll the window down as the officer walks up to the car.
The officer leans into the car window and says, “We’re looking for two child molesters.”
The priests look at each other for a moment then turn back to the officer and say, “We’ll do it.”
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!”
The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.” “Oh man,” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on me.” The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guy sees him, stops him and says “You can’t bring that dog in here unless you tell him it’s a seeing-eye dog.”
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink.
The bartender says “Hey, you can’t bring that dog in here!”
The second man replies “This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bartender says, “No, I don’t think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs.”
The man pauses for a half-second and replies “What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?”
