My wife and I went to Subway for lunch. She ordered us a footlong to split. I told her 6″ wasn’t enough.
She replied, “You’ll get used to it!”
Format: dialogue
Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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How About Now
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”
I replied, “No.”
She responded, “How about now?”
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As Hot Today as 50 Years Ago
Old lady says to her husband, “My nipples are as hot today as they were 50 years ago.”
Her husband says, “They ought to be. One is in coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.”
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You Should Be Hung
I was sitting down having a beer watching my wife mow the lawn, and this old lady came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung!”
I shouted back, “I am… that’s why she mows the lawn!”
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Such a Small Organ
In bed with a priest, a nun said, “Father, I never expected you’d have such a small organ.”
He replied, “Why, Sister… I never expected to be playing in such a large cathedral.”
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Funny That You Ask
A prostitute approaches a guy. “Hey babe, do you want to have sex for $400?”
Guy: “Funny that you ask, I could use that money very well.”
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Well I’m Here Now
A member of the KGB is walking along a production line in a factory and decides to ask a few questions of one of the workers.
KGB: “Comrade, if you had a drink of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”
The worker thinks a bit and replies, “Yes, I think so.”
KGB: “Comrade, if you had five drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”
The worker again considers this a bit and again replies, “Yes, I think so.”
KGB: “Comrade, if you had ten drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”
The worker answers quickly, “Well, I’m here now…”
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Your Dad Was Better at It
Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.
When I asked her why, she said, “Because your dad was better at it.”
