Meh Thoughts

Times New Roman and Lucinda Calligraphy go into a bar.
The barman says “Sorry, we don’t serve your type here”.

What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
You might be tempted to say “Arrrrrrr” but a pirate’s first love is the C.

Two Irish women were out in the field digging up potatoes.
One of them pulls out a huge one and says, “Ah, it’s just like my husband’s penis.”
The other gasps, “Oh? that big?”
The first shakes her head and says, “No. That dirty.”

Two nuns were out driving one night when a vampire jumped onto the hood of their car.
The first nun yelled to the second “Sister, show him your cross!”
So the second nun leaned out the window and screamed “Hey! Get the fuck off our car!”

Two nuns were riding their bikes to church.
One of them says “I’ve never come this way before”.
The other replied “it’s the cobblestones.”

My wife left me for a deaf guy.
I should have seen the signs.

What did the drummer name his new twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2

Everyone wants to know where’s Waldo.
Nobody asks how’s Waldo.

I think I got ripped off.
I just paid $15 for the “Where’s Waldo” audio book.

What’s the difference between oral and rectal thermometers?
The taste.