Meh Thoughts

Meh thoughts

Short thoughts for long downward spirals

Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.

  • Well I’m Here Now

    A member of the KGB is walking along a production line in a factory and decides to ask a few questions of one of the workers.

    KGB: “Comrade, if you had a drink of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”

    The worker thinks a bit and replies, “Yes, I think so.”

    KGB: “Comrade, if you had five drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”

    The worker again considers this a bit and again replies, “Yes, I think so.”

    KGB: “Comrade, if you had ten drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”

    The worker answers quickly, “Well, I’m here now…”

  • Absolute Game Changer

    I’ve recently switched from eating venison to eating pheasant.

    Absolute game changer.

  • Haven’t Heard From Him Since

    Another friend recently quit his job to pursue a career to be a mime.

    I haven’t heard from him since.

  • Catch a Falling Star and Blackmail It

    Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Then tell it that unless you get a cool half-mil, you’ll sell to the highest tabloid bidder those embarrassing photos of it puking naked in the alley.

  • A Nasty Habit

    I met a nun who wiped her nose on her clothes.

    She had a nasty habit.

  • His Career Is Now in Ruins

    I have a friend who quit his job to pursue his dream in archaeology.

    His career is now in ruins.

  • It’s Perfectly Normal

    When my daughters were much younger, I tried to explain to them that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.

    But they still make fun of me.

  • You’ve Got a Friend in Me

    The next Toy Story movie will include sex toys. They even wrote a new song for Andy’s mom:

    You’ve got a friend IN ME.

  • Your Dad Was Better at It

    Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.

    When I asked her why, she said, “Because your dad was better at it.”

  • Soup or Ahi Frozen Fish Sticks

    What did Mary Poppins like for dinner?

    Soup or ahi frozen fish sticks, ex peas, all delicious.

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