Meh Thoughts

Why do astronauts use Linux?
Because they can’t open Windows in space.

Where can you find a horse with no legs?
Wherever you left it.

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.

How do you keep your bagel from getting away?
You put lox on it.

Why won’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels.

What’s leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.

Went to school with a guy who was born without eyelids. He underwent surgery where they circumcised him and used the foreskin to create natural looking eyelids. The operation was a success.

He still looks a little cockeyed though.

I just got a job making toy Dracula dolls.
There’s only 1 other employee, so I have to make every second count.

My last girlfriend demanded to be treated as a princess.
Boy was she mad when I married her off to secure an alliance with France.

I had a neighbor who was a barber, but he doesn’t cut hair any longer.
He cuts it shorter.