Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

Repulsing

Say what you will about CPR, but I find it repulsing.

A friend of mine just texted his girlfriend Ruth and told her that it’s over between them. I can’t believe that he did that over text.

He’s Ruthless.

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

What’s the difference between a Corvette and a dead hooker?

I don’t have a Corvette in my garage.

What’s funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown suit.

What was the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson fucked kids.

What does a 9-volt battery and an asshole have in common?

If you lick it, and nothing happens, it’s probably dead.

What’s more embarrassing than locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

I hate shower sex.

It’s slippery, awkward, and one of the worst things about prison.

Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?
He pastaway.
Cannoli do so much.
Now hes just a pizza history.