I love fajitas. Unfortunately, they make me fajart.
Meh Thoughts
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The great thing about convincing mimes to join Fight Club — besides totally beating
The great thing about convincing mimes to join Fight Club — besides totally beating their asses — is knowing they’ll never break rules 1 and 2.
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I would think that when God needs a break from the pressure of running the universe, He
I would think that when God needs a break from the pressure of running the universe, He takes a couple of Almightiagra tablets to temporarily relieve His omnipotence.
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I kept hanging flyers all over the campus, but no one ever came to our shows.
I kept hanging flyers all over the campus, but no one ever came to our shows. In hindsight, our band probably could have come up with a better name than Lost Dog.
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Considering its primary use in a vehicle, I think they should rename it “the most junk
Considering its primary use in a vehicle, I think they should rename it “the most junk not including gloves I can cram into the smallest possible area and still close the damn door” compartment.
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I try to not sweat the small stuff.
I try to not sweat the small stuff. My pores are so damn big it oozes out in unpleasantly large chunks.
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I was helping my 9-year-old daughter do research for her book report on horseback riding
I was helping my 9-year-old daughter do research for her book report on horseback riding for kids. So I Googled the following: “pony, ride, under age 18.” … and I swear that’s the truth, Your Honor.
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I used to enjoy taking afternoon vacations in my mind, but I eventually got lazy and the
I used to enjoy taking afternoon vacations in my mind, but I eventually got lazy and the service at my mental resort went downhill. So I stopped tipping, but now I suspect that I’ve begun spitting in my drinks to get even.
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And so I left Cape Canaveral wiser than I had arrived.
And so I left Cape Canaveral wiser than I had arrived. Maybe I hadn’t gotten Jeff Gordon’s autograph, but I had learned that NASA and NASCAR are not the same thing, and in the long run, that was probably more valuable.
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If this whole Heath Ledger tragedy has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not the only
If this whole Heath Ledger tragedy has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not the only one who makes numerous inappropriate calls to Mary-Kate Olsen with a dead body in the room.
